Most of the times, we think we control the world around us, we control others’ actions through our own achievements, our generosities, our capabilities, our appearance- make us ‘irresistible’ or ‘irreplaceable’.
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Recently, healing my heart through God’s light helped me again fall back into love with myself, and yet again I thought this feeling of ‘fulfillment’ and beauty of ‘self-love’ is reflecting on others until I fell back out of self-love. It’s like all the work I did within myself to mend my wounds shattered overnight. I was back to square one and it felt even worse than before.
Self-love to the mind (3D ego self) looks like immersing ourselves in fragrant bubble baths and drenching ourselves in coconut oil, while the real truth is real love only happens when He merges His light with our heart’s. It is His light (love) and our strong faith in the light that makes us beautiful, successful, irresistible, irreplaceable, attractive, loveable..
Recently, when I again found myself become all those things, I started giving myself the credit and got detached with the light again, and then again I had to bend to His ways.
We all learn our lessons, especially on the way to Him..
We always return to Him, we always have to come back to His love and inward where He forever resides.
No.. I am not talking about that bi*ch. I am talking about a cliched ‘thing’.
I have only heard exaggerated stuff about ‘Chai’ and I’ve been judged about not being fond of it all my life.
I am not even a Coffee person. Although I would pick Coffee over tea always. I mean I would never even pick Tea. Maybe in last life, someone poisoned my tea that makes me hate it since day one of mom trying to make me taste it.
Yes, I have never tasted it. I mean I have tasted it but I felt nothing like, “Waah Taj” or “Subah ki mahekdi chai ki chuski”
In fact, all of those words disgust me. Sorry..my dear Chai lovers ! All the people I love love Chai. Well, at least 95% of them.
It doesn’t matter if you aren’t fond of something cliched. In fact, take pride in being YOUnique.
I hate to fit in. I don’t even try. If I do not like something, I don’t try more than once to like it because the world does. The first try is enough for me to like or loathe something. So, I kinda developed taste for green tea after few tries. I started to love green tea. Not for the way it tastes..I like it for the way it makes me feel after I have it.
My husband loves the regular chai. He can have dozens of them in a day (not even exaggerating). He doesn’t know how to prepare it, though. He tries his hand on ‘my kind of lemon green tea’ only when I am mad at him. He cutely goes to the kitchen and prepares it for me in my favourite mug and leaves the kitchen dirty. Thats his way of apologising. I know ! Sweet !
Just like I started to like green tea aka ameero-ka-dhakonsla according to some people, I think I have started to like the idea of marriage. I always thought ‘Marriage’ was not for me. It definitely isn’t a bed of roses for sure…but once you develop its taste, it may become your cup of tea.
Grief of losing someone close is insidious, it creeps under your skin and becomes a part of you before we even realise, and it’s also like Glitter; no matter how much you try to clean it up, tiny parts of it still remain tucked in corners of your heart. I heard a lot about life’s unpredictability and how you should live and enjoy each moment while it lasts, how you should keep your loved ones always close to you. How you should never take them for granted because once they leave, they leave with so much love and pain in your heart, and all you experience is guilt of not being there enough, of not being sincere enough, of not being a good friend enough.
Experiencing all of that, realising so much through this heartbreak in such a short span of time. Hope my friend, Nabs, you now find the Peace and the Love that you always looked for in this cruel, cruel world. You taught me so much about life- Life is short. So, love your people so much and so hard that they crave for your pure vibes which they cry for later in your absence. You taught me that ‘Unconditional Love’ is alone enough to define you and survive through the miseries. You always spread positivity and disguised your pain behind that angelic smile of yours. Funny I knew you for more than a decade, and there were days you weren’t alright and we knew, We asked, You couldn’t open up. Maybe we didn’t deserve it enough and we understand. I wish I was there for you as much as you were there for others. Regrets !!
Your memories sneak out of my eyes & roll down my cheeks every day. Whenever I remember your beautiful smile, I also remember the blessed days we had that just belonged to us. There was a low point when I started growing close to you, & you were there for me, we talked for hours. I always thought that this girl deserves the best of both worlds. Although I loved you with my whole heart, I couldn’t make you stay. All these years of knowing you, I have your poems, your dreams, your warmth, your charisma, your hugs, your purity etched in my heart. Now, my heart aches but I try to smile for you. I wipe my tears and look at your photographs, try to go back in time, and laugh a little more.
I want to only remember you as an innocent child who contagiously laughed at every silly thing while leaning your head over my shoulder, who used to dance like no one’s watching, who used to love washroom selfies with her girls, who loved to read and write, who loved to love life. I want to remember you as an important part of my life; who always liked to see us happy, who always ‘SIGHED’ and blessed her folks, who was a true well-wisher, who always wanted to see me as a bride. (Gosh! I wanted you so bad at my wedding, but then ‘Sigh’)
I will never ever forget the innocent excitement on your face whenever we all used to meet. You truly cherished friendships with zero malice in your heart. Your long birthday notes, Your intricate posts about how you feel about your friends post hang outs with them. I now understand how lucky we were around you, but I believe and visualise you as an angel smiling like your usual self up amidst the stars. Damn ! I just can’t get that smile off my head since the day you passed on to a more beautiful world (because this one definitely wasn’t for you). You always knew how much I loved you. Hope you know I will always do.
You were a respected professor. You were a clean hearted gem. You were an incredible mentor for your lovely students. You were a caring daughter, loving sister, a fun aunt and much more. You were full of dreams.
You ‘are’ the definition of love.
You’ll be missed for eternity, my beautiful angel (what else we all have, but memories !) . You left with too many lessons, mainly the importance of being a kind-person-no-matter-what in my heart. Thanks for being there when I needed a friend to talk to. It takes a BIG person to be who you were. I can never be close to that, but I will try, I will perhaps learn.
Sending your family and close ones warmth and prayers every second. Take Care wherever you are. Hope the gorgeous smile and glowing cheeks are still shining with glory.
Wish I could embrace you for the last time, My love- Nabs.
You definitely lived less but certainly loved more. Rest in Peace.
HD Photographs clicked by Dipti Malhotra.
In pictures with Nabila: Sonal (Me), Dipti, Pratic.
I never thought I would ever write about my hair story as I never had the most beautiful hair in the world (except when my mom used to take care of them until I grew up into some lost teenager trying to prove a point, and some high school nutties plotted against my mane- Well, that’s another ridiculous story. So, Some other day!), but here I am. With treatments and true hair care, you might achieve the hair you like.
Now, that I have started writing about the post, I am going to jot down everything I know about Keratin, Smoothing, hair growth, and other tips that helped.
This is the third time I got this hair treatment done. So, It starts with Smoothing. So, Lets talk about that first.
What is smoothing?
Hair smoothing or smoothening is a chemical process that uses a formaldehyde solution to saturate your hair strands, post which a flat iron + Blow dryer is used to set it.
Why Hair Smoothing?
We all want our hair to be smooth and glossy as hell. For me, there’s another reason too. I have naturally curly hair and not just nice settled Kangana Ranaut curls. My hair has ridiculous amount of frizz. A frizz that shows in my pictures which I can’t afford to have. It’s not that I don’t like curls, I love everything God blessed me with, but I prefer straight or wavy hair to Curly.
How to go about it?
Go to the salon that doesn’t cheat with the quality of the products and is well ventilated. Go to the one that you trust. I have been going to ‘Jawed Habib- Hair and beauty’ for more than a decade and I swear by that place. So, anyhow, I got my Smoothing treatment there for the third time and I will tell you how it works.
PS: Both genders can go for these treatments.
Also, now that Covid19 has strived the nation, we obviously need to visit salons where extra care is taken, where combs and scissors are sanitised as well.
These guys check your temperature, Sanitise your whole being and chuck you out if you refuse to cooperate before you enter. Might ask you to show your Arogya Setu as well.
I snapped this when he was sanitising and washing the comb before use.
For super curly hair, Smoothing will only make your hair sit nicely. I mean, your frizz will settle down. It is not going to make your hair super straight and glossy if you have hardcore frizzy curls like me.
Some Pros and Cons :
Pros:
Hair becomes less frizzy.
When merged with Keratin; The result is no less than magic.
Cons:
You may feel nauseated or headache the day you get the treatment done.
Major hair care needs to be followed post the treatment.
I noticed some good amount of hair fall (only) the last time I got it done.
It is a long process. Carry your food!
Expensive.
Roots before the treatment. After the treatment.
I usually get Smoothing treatment done first followed by another long process of Keratin (post 3 days). Not everyone goes this way. People might go for rebonding but I prefer this one. I have never got Rebonding done on my hair. Keratin when merged with smoothing gives a little health to hair as well and that flowing hair effect that I like the most about this treatment.
Some pictures before the treatment when my roots started to turn a bit curly again, I wanted a touch up but ended up getting it all redone.
Bottom three were all clicked after the treatment.
What is Keratin?
Keratin is a hair protein that gives hair its strength. Let me tell you that both these treatments are chemical treatments and large doses can be really harmful. So, you NEED to get these treatments done by a professional who knows what he’s doing and how much product he is using. Keratin only lasts for about 4 months.
For both these treatments, they use a good amount of heat to let the treatments settle in through blow dryer and a hair straightener. If your hair is too thin, you might want to avoid it. You aren’t supposed to wash or tie your hair until 2-3 days as suggested by your professional.
Pros and Cons of Keratin:
Pros:
Makes my hair softer and shinier.
Hair becomes manageable.
You don’t need to blow dry your hair every second day.
Cons:
Makes your hair super greasy within 2-3 days that makes you want to wash it every second day.
While the treatment goes on, the chemical is so harsh, it might make you cry.
It doesn’t last long.
I noticed my hair colour fade post keratin.
Some more pictures from both the sittings.
Some myths:
Hair becomes very dull after these treatments.
On the contrary, hair becomes shinier. If you ignore taking care of it or if you don’t use the correct products, you may lose everything you paid for. I am someone who doesn’t invest a lot of time and effort especially when I used to work long hours but during the Pandemic while I stayed inside and took care of my health and was mostly not working initially for few months, I took care of my hair. Not that I was drenched in coconut oil, but I just took care. I know I did more than other parts of my life where all I cared about was hustling. Its true, you really need to take care of your hair if you want it to grow or become glossier.
2. Hair growth stops post chemical treatments.
I won’t type a word, Just posting these pictures here along with the dates.
First three pictures: My hair length in Feb.
Fourth pic: Hair in August.
I had my last hair cut on February 3rd, 2020. Post which, I gave my mane a bit of a trim.
Clicked this picture y’day i.e. 6th August, 2020
My hair’s thin right now from the bottom, but they aren’t totally dead. I gave them a little trim, and didn’t let the salon guy touch the length. But now that I am at home, I am trying to work on the volume. Thinking of keeping them more nourished with frequent oiling and home made hair masks.
3. Some people who have great hair, they are just blessed even when they treat them like shit.
Those people are selfish liars !
Hope you liked the post. You are free to ask <Polite> questions in the comment box or on my instagram DM.
Polite, because on one of my previous posts got unsolicited advices by some “know it all” uncles who judged me as some ‘immature’ narcissist, so I want to address them as ‘uncles’ 😉
Saving the TMI for my best friend.
Until then, Keep wearing that Self Confidence like your crown.
So, I was editing right now. When am I not? Editing is life now! Anyway, So what I wondered was If I like what I see on the screen. Well, yeah..After this hair, A lot. haha! In fact I was editing an old video where I was wearing a bodycon dress too tight to breathe. I have no clue why I was wearing it, but I still liked how I styled it.
“So…do I like what I see?
Then? A lot.
Now? A lot more.“
Well, I am ageing quite well. No complains in that department. Only love !!
I take care of myself better at this age more than ever. When I don’t , It feels that clearly something isn’t right- Physically, Mentally or Emotionally !
Prerequisite to life are these two words: Self Love.
Most traumas have just one solution: Self Love.
It is the saviour and it is the solution. Self love has brought me out of the most traumatic times.
People try to search for a soulmate all their lives. They want a person to adore their unwanted parts (Those parts even which they hate about themselves) and some lucky ones like myself will meet soulmates in form of friends and lovers who’d love them for their worst features unstoppably.
So, I just tweeted this:
“If you won’t like yourself, who will? And, even if someone else madly adores you, It wouldn’t matter because it’s impossible for someone to next to you 24/7 in adoration mode.“
If you stay with an awful person who treats you like a piece of shit, Lack of self love will keep you in there. If you stay with the best person on earth who treats you like a queen/king, Lack of self love will make you treat them like shit.
You see ?
You wouldn’t fall in love with yourself when you’re at your fittest. You wouldn’t fall for yourself while you’re at your most successful. If you love yourself and you’re crying yourself to sleep each night, you would some night tell yourself, ” I don’t deserve this fcking shit! I need to fix this!” and you get up the next morning. If not the next, then next to next to next. But eventually, it pulls you out and makes you go into the fixing mode. And, that’s exactly when it happens, when it strikes-Thoughts like:
“I love how I work, I love how I am striving, I love how my body feels right now, I know this isn’t the perfect me but I will eventually reach my goal, I have been there before. It is possible. Wow ! Is this even me? I am a wonderful piece of art.”
If you don’t like your fixing phase, You wouldn’t like your destination either.
We all have parts about ourselves that we hate; For me, They were always my triceps or, how I can sometimes lose my cool, or how I can’t just wait and I want everything the same day I decide and plenty more.
Does that mean I dislike myself? Well, Maybe momentarily and I know for sure, it’s for 10 minutes.
Self Love is often confused with Selfishness. It is totally incorrect. One can be 100% compassionate towards others when he or she loves themselves (first).
FAQ: Epitome of self love is hazardous.
Answer: The more the merrier. For you and for the ones who love you.
How to love yourself?
Work within and gently rise above the loathe. Easier said than done. For some, it might be a tougher task. I am someone who becomes extremely uncomfortable when I start to dislike myself (Everyone does!) but I identify my triggers way early now, and mostly its when I am eating wrong or not eating at all, or when I am not working // lazing more for a longer period than usual. Or, when I’ve been rude to my mom. There are some triggers that I try to fix to instantly to feel better and that is a constant work.
There’s a time for everything and we really need to understand how to love ourselves while being in love with life and others who matter and the ones who don’t as well. Of course, You can’t expect to win at life when all you do is spill hate and compare your life away.
Well, Another topic for laters! Comparisons.
Talk Later !!! I have an important appointment tomorrow. It’s late zzz.
I know this pandemic made me really cruel towards myself. I decided not to do that anymore.
I always used to have birthday month plans. So, it usually began a week before my birthday (August 13th). Like gifting myself one gift each day for 7 days, or taking myself out each day before the birthday when I eventually used to get so tired of celebrating. It usually used to start on the 7th of August each year, and this year because of Covid, I wouldn’t be able to take myself out a lot or travel this time *sobs*
Last year, I was having the time of my life in August. Apart from the daily dates and dressing up a week before my birthday, I went to Hong Kong/ Macao on the 16th.
I didn’t decide anything but the as August arrives, the energy shifts for me. It’s a rebirth each year followed my new aspirations, new self expectations, new goals, new realisations. I feel like 31st July of each year to me is like 31st January for the rest of the world. I feel so rejuvenated like a new cycle has begun. I want to anticipate ONLY the best now.
BEFORE THE TREATMENT.
Yesterday, I went for a long hair treatment session at my favourite salon, (Yeah! where they take care of the safety- before you lecture me) and anyway how much are we going to stop ourselves? We require proper safety measures. We can NOT spend our lives stuck inside forever.
AFTER THE TREATMENT.
I REMOVED MY MASK FOR THE BIT WHEN IT WAS MANDATORY TO APPLY THE PRODUCT BEHIND MY EAR.
Other than a lower back breaking Keratin Treatment, I enjoyed half a Gulab Jamun and dozens of cookies. It was a real cheat day amid the quarantine. I wore my favourite shirt to the salon and ended up tweeting the whole time breaking my neck too. Shared a picture or two on twitter. Okay ! I shared a lot of them + The instagram stories + The live session that ended up being on my post. Sometimes, Social Media overwhelms me with its negatives but so many times, I love to share my happiness on the platform. Just one of those days.
Wore this dress after Feb. I took this one to Maldives, I love it.I am not just happy on my birthday, I love love love birthdays.
Gosh ! I looked happy after long, and revived my confidence with my new hair.
I welcomed my birthday month while bidding one bastard of a month yesterday.
Also, I have another sitting left, Post which I can do a long post about my experience (2nd time this time).
I have learnt hundreds of lessons in life, but the most difficult lesson I’ve learnt is to unabashedly live by the rules that I have set for myself. There are certain things in everyone’s life they can not compromise with; For some, it’s their career. For some, it’s freedom. For some, it is to stick by their traditions.
Every human being no matter how Not-opinionated they are or how flexible they are, Every one has a set of rules they live by subconciouslly . There are always some guidelines, to which their direction and purpose is attached.
I have realised if I don’t fight for myself, no one will. Everyone would assume I am having a gala time enjoying living by their kind of lifestyle, adopting to their methods and being comfortable in it.
Our traditions mostly ask girls to follow certain norms especially after her marriage. She is expected to not be ‘herself’ and unlearn her independence and un-pamper herself in the most inorganic way, unless she is super lucky to have an independent household where she makes her own proclamations, where her husband understands her and gives her the gift of complete freedom to choose to live her life on her own terms as much as he does. I do not believe in the system of arrange marriages for the sole reason that the couple doesn’t know mostly anything about each other, and it’s hard to find a middle ground all of a sudden. It is certainly not for impulsive people like myself.
If we go by the dictionary,
Marriage /n/ :the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship.
When it states about TWO people. Why is just ONE of them expected to bend themselves in our culture and adhere to the same old ghissey pittey rules that doesn’t resonate with their life at all.
Thanks to the current times and a little twist in the mindsets, In arrange marriages, The couple is “expected” to “adjust” with each other. BOTH of them. Some of those marriages work so well. It’s super cool when two people find a middle ground and adjust with each other here and there but when there’s just one person who has to give up himself / herself. It kills the entire purpose of his or her life.
I am someone who’s always got her way. I don’t know how I did it but whether it was a job or a collaboration, I have found my way out somehow. Of course, Both Hard work and smart work played a big role in the roller coaster journey of my career. One of my rules say, “Respect over Money”, and I have left big collaborations where the former kind of lacked. Obviously, no one has the right to play you like a joke.
When you work for someone, or you live with someone. There are certain conditions, One must never compromise with.
I believe, if you lose them, you lose direction, you lose self worth, you lose freedom, you lose purpose, and eventually you lose yourself.
If you feel that you’ve lost yourself in a job or a relationship, choose to lose the latter but never ever lose yourself. One can never be happy if they aren’t true to themselves. Never internally truly deeply madly happy, unless you love your T&C truly deeply madly as well.
Write your truth, hand it over to the next person. If they respect it, Hold them close the closest.
PS: All rules aren’t meant to be broken, my friend, especially when they’re made by you.
Well, She had another one of those anxious days, when she felt the pandemic was taking a toll on her physically and mentally.
Not that this year was completely figured out, to say the least.. but, Wasn’t this supposed to be a phase better than the phases bygone?
We used to evolve each day, Didn’t we?
She had ..
One of those late nights when hearing, “Everyone’s facing this!” doesn’t furnish a better feeling than that of the numbing hollowness.
One of those nights when asking him in her trembling voice, “What would you do if I were not there?” ‘s first response didn’t drench the drought in her soul.
One of those nights when he woke up for her, glanced his teary eyes into hers.
One of those moments he murmured, “You are my soul. Not just a part of it.”
One of those moments he couldn’t tolerate her pain,
One of those moments she could see her pain in his eyes.
One of those moments she felt uneasy with her promise of detachment,
One of those moments she wanted to break the walls,
One of those moments that tasted like unconditional love,
One of those moments she would always romanticise,
One of those moments when all the years spent together made sense.
One of those moments she wished could just freeze.
Aren’t we living for those moments all along? Some days are worse than the other, but they do become better when ‘She has him’ beside.
Also, it’s so convenient picking up pieces from yours and your mom’s wardrobe and playing around with the pieces.
One ought to keep in mind these following tips:
Tip 1: Denims
Team up a denim waistcoat or an oversized jacket with a flamboyant kurti.
Tip 2: Belts
A belt with a Saree or a kurti accentuates one’s waist perfectly.
Tip 3: Blazers:
One could choose solid colored blazers and team them up with Kurtis or loose tops. Finish the look with a bindi and jhumkis.
Tip 3: Footwear
One could carefully select their footwear on their indo western attires. Kolhapuri Chappals / Embroidered Juttis and sometimes even Sneakers help in curating a chic look while giving it a desi touch.
Other things I am fond of while choosing Indo Western styles :
Dhotis
They are not just worn by women over the period of time but by men as well, and Dhoti Pants can be styled with off shoulder crop tops or even peplums. These are so in trend and are loved by fashionistas even on occasions like Sangeet and Mehendi.
Junk Jewelry
The best thing about Junk Jewellery is that the variety of these in different lengths and textures can be simply experimented with different combinations of outfits whether western or Indian. They just add the statement like nothing else. Bonus : So Inexpensive and easily available.
I’ve been living a dual life for almost 4 years now. By that I mean, wearing many hats Professionally. Most of my readers know that I’m not just a regular blogger, but also a Language Trainer.
It sometimes becomes too demanding to both ‘work from home’ and ‘work at home’; spend time with the loved ones and back of the head care too much about professional life.
Amid all the mess and overthinking, we tend to mostly give in to Social Media and our guilty pleasures.
My routine during the lockdown has surprisingly been one of the busiest periods of my life. In interims, I’ve been shame eating.
[Got that word from one of the Netflix’s series called Schitt’s creek; another part of my messy routine.]
Shame eating /n/ /gerund/ – Emotional eating.
I wake up late, I sit with my family- We have our very own Card & Chai sessions, Safai Abhyaan (decluttering /reorganizing // also trying Vaastu), We all indulge in harmful eating sessions everyday, but we never forget our immunity boosting supplements.
I do the dishes and cook dinner daily.
I come back to my room by 12 am and that’s the time when my ‘Me- time’ begins unless I’m working on a project. Now between 12 am until the time I sleep; I’ve to do 4 more tasks including my work and shame eating again. Twitter’s and YouTube’s tab is always there on my system. While editing a video today, I was wondering how I’ve lost focus away from one part because back of my mind, I was overthinking about the other part.
Working for myself make me super nostalgic about my previous work place and the chilled out Me-time.
When I used to be on a break, I used to be on a break. I wasn’t overthinking about hundred million other things that Work from Home for my own self makes me do. It seems like overthinking is making me work 24/7 or at least whenever I’m up. I’ve become the worst boss and a very lethargic and disorganized employee of late.
It’s not been a gala ride tbh trying to turn off one button and switching on to another.
I’m grateful I’m busy doing nothing and overthinking everything during the lockdown days. No! Seriously I am thankful. I’ve got a lot of opportunities during the worst time for the world economically as well.
What I need to fix is- Being more organised and less lethargic. So, the point of writing this post was to find a solution that I already knew.
I’ve been writing on my blog daily before I hit the sack, but I’m not posting those.
Reason?
I’m writing those kinds of things that people write and burn. 😄
So, how’s your work rolling ? Are you working from home? How are you taking charge of your parallel lives? How easy or difficult has it been?
her 